…and I guess its starting to feel like it. I’m fixated by the Holidays. I love the atmosphere…the cheer, but I feel like since I’ve become more of an ‘adult’, everything, everyone, especially their cheer, disappears.
The past few weeks have been weird. A lot has happened, but I think I’ve dealt with things pretty well. I confronted my, “Nichole”, we will call her. Of course she denies ever having the thought of acting like an easy A, followed by an assurance of smothering, and of course, diverting her interests toward a friend of his.
I acquired pink eye. God sakes..-Y’know I have never actually had it before. And I’m glad its over and done with. I hated it…I had to cancel my roommate’s decorating party, due to the fact that both my boyfriend and I had it. And no..no one farted on my pillow or whatever that nonsense is! No ridiculous shenanigans took place. Apparently its more common than the cold this year in my city, for some reason. There was actually a column in the newspaper regarding. Anyway..
I had been bombarded by two very old and from the past individuals right before this pink eye crap. One being a very old ex friend, and the other, my uncle. We weren’t exactly close, we’ll just say…The old friend just made me uncomfortable..but I for once stood up for myself. I told her she knew nothing of me anymore. And the way she had been tagging me was ridiculous. We were adults now, and if she wanted to get to know me, fine, but we were different, and hopefully mature people now. I wasn’t obsessed with her. I never had been.
She was supposed to attend the party, however…that went down the drain.
My living room looks a lot cleaner now. No thanks to anyone other than myself…Guess I really have the house wife roll now…living with a man is different…I don’t enjoy how quickly enraged one can become. Or perverse and uncalled for. Sometimes humored and appreciated, but almost always uncalled for.
I wouldn’t trade what I have now though, compared to last Christmas…I can barely remember anything. A dark blur, oh and my grand mother telling me I should ‘hold off on pie’..hah. Ah yes..and heartache whenever sober. Such a weak state, but hopefully, never again. I won’t let myself feel like that again. I’m prepared for if and most likely when he decides I’m not enough, like the others. Like every time before him. I’m trying this thing called not getting attached.
I got paid today. Not quite impressed with the numbers…but I did miss time for that damned pink eye! Oh well…I’m pretty well done the shopping. I’ve got my sisters done for, and frankly, that’s all that matters to me.
And on that note, I guess I’ll end this odd, rant journal like thing. Gonna go get stoned in the tub~
ready for Christmas.